This journal has been long neglected and I’d like to come back to it. I miss the structure of having a space to post the happenings in my life, in my garden, and in my daily work. I’ve decided I’m going to attempt making journaling in this space a habit once again, if for no one but myself (But as most things go in my life, it may be a sporadic habit that moves with my feelings).

I’ve always been a reflective person and it helps to ground me. Sometimes I get caught in only looking ahead which feeds my anxiety and worries about the everyday. It can be easy to forget who you are by avoiding looking back. This whole past year has seemed to be one long season of looking forward, waiting for the days when we can be together again and for a sense of normalcy to return. In the waiting, I think I may have forgotten how to be present. I hope journaling will bring me back to that state of mind.

What better way to start than with the month of May. May has quickly become my favourite month of the year. The sense of anticipation of spring has built up for so long during the winter and suddenly it’s a rush of growth and blooms as the trees and wintering plants burst to life. Another habit I’ve been attempting to cultivate is capturing the moments as they pass in an artful way (i.e. using my camera, not my phone). I’d like to share a few of those moments with you.

What is it about the first of anything? It’s always so thrilling and memorable. These were my first ever tulips. I planted them in fall and had been eagerly anticipating them all winter. They weren’t perfect or even that large, but they sure were glorious.

This year, I went all in on seed starting. My little sunroom was overflowing with little seed starts. It was a bit overwhelming, but I hope all worth it! So far, the garden seems to be doing alright, with a few exceptions where a certain neighbourhood cat has decided the bed would make a good litter box. It’s been a full on war against this roaming beast.

As the earth warmed up and animals found their mates, there were many days spent out in the wild, soaking in the sun and finding scenes of wonder. My favourite neighbours joined in on some of those adventures and we discovered so much delight together.

A little bit of work was done in between all of the explorations…

… but time was mostly spent out in the world and wild, after so much time spent at home by ourselves.

And also, of course, all the time in the garden. This space is one that feeds the soul. We are now halfway through June and the garden already looks so much fuller. I’m trying to take photos as I can, but it’s growing so much, it’s really hard to keep up! The first blooms are out and it’s starting to look so lovely- can’t wait to share in the next monthly update (hold me to that…).

Under the autumn tree
The chair where you would swing
A yard so full of leaves
Hum the song that comforts me...

A small excerpt from Milo Green's song, Autumn Tree that seems to be running through my head as I go through these pictures from my crisp autumn walk the other day. Perfect for the first day of October, it seems. These images were taken on a day where my head would not be cleared of the million thoughts and emotions that were distracting me from my work. I knew that walking to clear my mind would help, but I did not anticipate happening upon the most glorious, sun-bathed gold Beauty. It was filled with light and warmth and calm. I could not help but stop and admire- my mind was immediately put at ease for a few small moments. It beckoned me to sit beneath its lovely branches, so I cleared a space in the crimson leaves to rest and dream once again. 

My days are busy this season. But I feel it's more of blessing than a curse. Summer was filled with doubts in my work life as there was a lull in projects. But with the coming of Autumn,  I've received a steady schedule of work which fills my heart with deep joy.

There are days such as the day of these images where the full schedule feels overwhelming but mostly it is so fulfilling for me. I have struggled with self-worth a whole lot within my work so it only feels like encouragement and affirmation when I'm receiving so many projects and orders. I'm learning to find the beauty in these busy days and try to remember that encouragement when the overwhelming feelings set in. 

Autumn is traditionally thought of the transitional season from life to death. I see the beauty in that- the preparation for hibernation... but there's a part of me that feels like Autumn is also a season of newness. The leaves change their colour to something of brilliance, for many it is the start of a new year, and it is also the start of those feelings of warmth and cosiness. There is something to be celebrated in that. There is a fullness about this season that is both death and life at once. Its richness brings about a sense of wonder, apprehension, excitement, melancholy, and calm all within a single moment. What a contrast this season is and, at the same moment, how perfectly synonymous it is with human life.

in the fields, she stopped and took a deep breath of the flower-scented air. it was dearer to her than her kin, better than a lover, wiser than a book. and for a moment she rediscovered the purpose of her life. she was here on earth to absorb its wild enchantment.

~ boris pasternak

painting doesn't always come easy for me. in fact, this painting took a lot of effort and toil to push past the doubts and dislikes in my mind. but sometimes, in those rare moments, once you reach the top of mountain, all it takes is a little push over the top and something beautiful starts to form, quickly and suddenly. this is what came of my afternoon the other day and i ended up working an hour later than I was supposed to just to reach the finish line. i have to say, i am quite pleased. though, i have yet to decide what to use it for. ideas are gratefully accepted.